“You Are Amazing, You Will Find Him”

What was the last time I wrote something here? Even I don’t remember. No wonder I don’t get that many views on my blog posts I wish it had. Tbh, I don’t count on popularity – that’s kinda of easy thing on the Internet nowadays. But who cares about fake followers and fake likes if you really wish people to be interested in things you do. I am just an ordinary girl with extraordinary thoughts, and I just write when I feel so. Don’t judge me for doing it so “proactively”. The main thing is that I love reread it from time to time, like reading a good book. Yeah, I consider my blog posts wise enough to frame it for the times when I got my gorgeous golden age with the grandchildren around. I will still reread this and smile to the times I was young and beautiful. 😇

Okay, I also write when it’s shitty time for my brain productivity, cause it’s all taken by #lifeimportantmatters like finding a job in EU, getting my diploma, thinking about master’s degree and not dying from hunger in the woods cause finding a job in EU for Russians is like a punishment challenge (but, come on, I didn’t choose where to be born).

Last blog post I wrote was very touching. I have to admit that that’s the only one I still haven’t read one more time after I wrote it. It is still a painful memory for me, which I am not ready to filter throughout my body and brain again. I promise that I will let it go when I am ready and brave enough.

So, as it was mentioned, I write when I feel shitty thoughts are eating my mind all the time like horrible toothache that can’t fuck off, so you are just slowly getting crazy. Ironically, people always need to somehow pull out the emotions stuck within its body. Not many of us admit that yeah, you should talk about your problem, write about it, think it out loud, break the dishes, scream on the empty beach line, travel alone or whatever you were afraid to do before. Ironically, when we feel forceless and gone for a burton, we remember we have Bible, we believe God exists. I believe in myself, no matter what happens, so I’m writing my own story – full of all the thunderstorms existing.

I have such a burning issue that it concerns me for a very long period of time, especially after the painful breaking up with the last boyfriend. Many girls become very close after this period of life but I am in the group of different attitude towards it. Maybe that’s the problem, maybe there is something else. I don’t close myself from the other guys, I really feel like it’s an importnat matter to continue your life as it was before the critical point. If you go deeper with your depression, some external factors can start influencing your life significantly as you don’t have control over it, and it can just ruin it. You are so immerged into the depression, that you accidantely can find your saviour in the things which are stronger than you, until you don’t become stronger than they are. I’m talking about drugs, alcohol, cheap and expensive ways of letting your body feel an euphoria. It’s a complicated topic, and each word I write is quiet hard to adapt to what I think about it, so you can just skip this part as I hardly ever believe I can really express my emotions towards it in a writing. But I’m doing it cause  life gave me weird experience to see people “saving” themselves from depression by crossing over the line of all sensible. And until you don’t get your mind over it, it will simply kill you. Tbh, drugs topic never scared me. I always clearly knew to what it leads, I’ve seen people being 90% on the death stage, I’ve studied medicine with all its scary details, I’ve knew the statistics of death from drugs, it just didn’t bother any aspect of my life. Until I’ve seen all of this with my own eyes. I feel like I don’t have any right to share this with anyone else except this “postdepression fan of drug”, and I can just simply say: no one in this world will care about you that much as you. Depression in its normal meaning is not like it became so fashionable in the past years to talk about, let almost everyone point out they have it and scream about it on every corner. People in the real depression are silent. That’s the most scary thing. They actually don’t admit they’re living it. They also don’t admit they are drug addicted if they are. Overcoming depression with the drug addiction is not about going to clinical treatment. Once you’ve tried drug euphoria which is greater than any kind of euphoria existing in this world, its’s 99% that you will never want to give up this feeling forever. Most likely you will prefer to die from it in your 20-30 as nothing else bother you as much as dophamine you get from it. Death doesn’t seem to be scary anymore. Nothing seen to be significant except getting more serotonin in your life. Mental revolution is the only thing that can save the life but, in most of the cases, people are not strong and brave enough to come to this stage. If anyone, reading this blog post, has ever had this life experience of saving people from drug addiction, how did you challenge it? How did you change person’s attitude and, maybe, saved his or her life? Write me to email or direct me in Instagram, if you have something to share as I would really appreciate it.

Deviating from the topic, I want to point out that I had an idea of making a single post dedicated to drug addiction and how to help close people overcome it, but I feel like it’s a very new and unusual theme for me, so I would prefer to think more about it for now than to write something outstanding.

Returning to the name of this blog post, you most likely are confused, but from now on I will continue my writing based just exactly on it. So, except the drug problem period (not mine), I also experience the few questions, concerning relationships. I know that it can be too early to worry about the love of my life and “from who to get family if all men around are jerks” but, seriously, I’m very disappointed on how people perceive relationships nowadays. Maybe I am old-fashioned but it is just really annoying that people change partners like clothes. And no, it’s not about physical part, it’s exactly about who you call your boyfriend or girlfriend. People point themselves as a couple but so many times I’ve heard (and, unfortunately, experienced) about the cheatings of the partner, consumer attitude to each other, stupid scandals, lack of attention to your partner and so on. And this all takes me back to the main question “why people date with each other if they don’t feel so?”. Boring? Maybe you will rock your career or finish studies or find a hobby? Sex? You can find sex everywhere, it’s not compulsory to date with someone to have it, it’s 21 century. And yes, it’s better to have sex without obligations than call horrible joint being as relationships. Scared to, eventually, stay alone? Jesus Christ, why people are so scared to stay alone and don’t marry? Why it’s better to be married with some asshole than be free from associating home as a jail staying?

Yes, I’m old’fashioned, and I think people should be together cause they feel that for them having each other is enough, that when you want to come home cause your partner is there waiting for you, that clubbing together is now much better than it was before, that you simply never feel like you have a burden who changed your life to boring home staying in front of TV.

Ironically, lots of guys in my life said the phrase “you are so amazing, you will find him”. Ah really? Why wasn’t that you who grabbed my hand and made me his gf? Cause very funny but most of them started to date with other girls just after they said “I just don’t feel like relationships stage right now”. Hm, I prefer men rather saying that they are just not into me than doing something like this. And, well, it’s not like I’m talking about guys I know just from couple of meetings but those are men I know for years. We can talk for hours, laugh on each other, feel something special between us, and I can see his reaction on me – that one which makes girl feels like she is loved. And those “men” don’t escape, they are around all the time, they just…date with other girls. And then they broke up, and date with other and other girls. When it happened that relationships nowadays is something we have such a consumer attitude towards?

I know many girls experiencing the same thing, and, believe me, they are beautiful, smart, strong, wise, funny, supportive, they are simply amazing (and yes, I believe that I worked and fighted for what I have quiet hard in my life to consider myself being in that group as well). And they stay alone. And they blame themselves in being “not alright”, constantly finding out the answer on the question “what’s wrong with me?” Funny but that’s the life, even though it all sounds like a drama movie.

Interesting, how many times else these girls will hear the phrase “you are so amazing, you will find him”, seeing that one crash, is going to date with another girl? You just don’t know with what we have to live every day when this shit happens all the time.

P.S. I know many girls experiencing this in their life but I rarely met the guys with this problem. Is it like girls are too serious about that? (sorry but normal women want family, children and love of life one day, so yeah we are concerned a bit) Or there are still some men perceiving it serious as well?


3 thoughts on ““You Are Amazing, You Will Find Him”

Add yours

  1. Hey, I have seen people judging others but I haven’t seen some one expressing her self in a very honest manner. It shows that how much you know about your self and that only matters in our life, it was really nice reading your blog and it also motivates others so keep going … if some one ask me to explain sbout myself I thing I cannot as much you did . so it was superb ,motivated,written from heart,honesty and amazing .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much! That’s a very nice feedback 🙏🏻 Every time I write, I try to be honest on the maximum level as if I would talk to myself at that moment. I believe some people need honesty and those, who handling the same problems, will feel a little bit better cause there is someone else struggling the same issue. I think honestly with all it’s matters help people to become wiser and braver in their decisions.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Very true, keep going and don’t forget to put the link on facebook to remind us, so that we will be getting the update and opportunity to read your blog.


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