21st century, year 2020, I am already 23 years old. Gosh, time flies. How did I end up here?
I wake up every morning and open Instagram immediately. I spend at least 15-20 minutes scrolling the feed, and only then I get out of the bed to brush my teeth. What was the first thing I did when Instagram hasn’t even existed? I don’t even remember. What a shame. How did it happen that Instagram is the first thing we see in the morning? What causes such an interest of watching others’ lives? Why we chat more on Instagram and rarer in real life? I don’t want to live like that, I just can’t accept the fact of having that kind of life style. I horribly miss having no phones time. When you take your friend to somewhere, and it’s only two of you. When you think about reaching a person some other way than texting. If “online me” disappears, who will come to the doorsteps of my home place to find out what’s going on in my life?
10.27 am, I temporarily delete my Instagram page. I was about to make it as a permanent decision, but I need some break now only. I kinda of like my page, because it is so full of memories and old friends photos. It looks kinda of artificial now, but I ended up with no real life so far. I accept the fact that couple of years ago I was rather a happier person than now. Every day I’m praying that I’m still able to change everything to 360 degrees and become a happiest person ever.
So funny, but I honestly thought at least one of my friends will notice and ask like “Heeeey, are you okay? Where is your Insta page?” Great, I am free from any explanations, because no one asked. Even my best friend with whom we’ve been usually throwing the funny videos every day. Literally no one noticed. I guess if I just take a ticket to a plane to another country and delete all my social networks, no one will notice as well. At least it makes things easier, when I’m gonna be finally be able to do that freely. Now when reality crashed I know that my life really has to be changed. Should I even care about those vulgar friendships if no one is, indeed, around? God, we have phones and internet and hundred of social networks, but we are still kinda of lazy to answer someone. It takes days and weeks for some of my friends to answer my messages. And every time I hear some excuses about the lost chats in my hundred chats and not coming notifications. I wish people could just admit the fact of not willing to talk to me, than making me hear something I don’t believe the same way as in witches.
I have a feeling that my life sharply divides into chapters, and there is something left and forgotten in each one, so I can’t bring it along. It includes places, jobs, emotions and people. I will never feel same way I felt couple of years ago living in Spain. I will never laugh same way as if I was a freshman again. I will never be friends again with the people, who didn’t wish so. I am a nostalgic person, I am a huge piece of emotions, but I am different now than in the past. I want to learn how to properly say goodbye to the past and never get back to it. I want to feel fresh again.
So from now on I’m experimenting “free from Instagram” break. No morning and evening scrolling of the feed, no posts and stories, no “Instagram friends”. It’s only me now, and I wanna see, who starts to care first about what happened in my life in a day?
Maldives, March 2020. An island full of paradise and stunning horizons out of the Instagram.